Research topics: exciting one night stands, but lousy wives

Statutory warning: All references are purely fictional. Resemblance to any persons (living or dead) is purely coincidental.

A very wise and learned man once told me that choosing a research topic is like falling in love with a girl. Little did he know that my actions would vitiate the very concept he had built up. Most relationships with research are a lot like the ones between endangered animals breeding in captivity. They are usually the result of limited options and prolonged exposure rather than attraction and mutual consent.

Marriages in the old times, that’s exactly what my relationship with research is like. The famous arranged cum love marriage. Mine had all the essential traits:

1. Ponnu pathufication: The elders (prof) choose a set of damsels they think are suitable (his research interests) to be presented to the youth (grad student). The youth is then asked to take his pick from the lot.

2. Marriage: The relatives (profs from other depts working on the same project) are notified and invited to bless (interrogate and evaluate validity of) the couple (grad student and research topic) at the ceremony (review presentation) and oversee the thali katufying (confirmation exercise).

3. Santheemuhoortham: Without warning, the youth (grad student) is pushed into the bedroom (the lab). The usual provisions are in place: fruits, sweets and customary glass of milk (computers, internet and the university library). The couple is expected to “get busy” (start researching) without any prior instructions or information.

4. The life after: There is a slow but steady increase in bonding. They finally grow onto each other through frustration, discovery and reconciliation.

Wait, there is more…

The youth finds himself taking an interest in other damsels (fellow researchers’ interests) and sometimes succumbing to temptation (discussing possible modifications with them). Excitement levels increase as he probes (searches and reads up) deeper than others passing by, but alas the ordeal is short lived. He sees no value in visiting places he has already visited and hence takes pleasure in probing into the fresh and the untouched.

Returning home is an inevitable eventuality but should not be postponed indefinitely. He will later realize that while he was probing into others, his neglected wife turned to someone else to produce (publish) the family offspring (thesis).