First things first, I would like to introduce some guests: The Eternal Seeker and The Lazy Man, without whom this post would not have been possible.
This valentines day we are pleased to present.. Barney(tharan) Stinson! Nephew of THE Barney Stinson from the hit sitcom, How I Met Your Mother. This post is an account of the theories and law that Barney(tharan) compiled while he studied engineering in Chennai.
For every single and willing chick there are at least a million desperate and disappointed dudes in the same batch (Notice that the statistic does not restrict itself to single guys).
For every chick even slightly above the attu-threshold[1] there are at least three dudes who think they have a shot at getting to first base with her in the near future (Come on, give them a break. Engineering in Chennai still has a long way to go before there is an increase in the chances of them going higher.. err.. I mean lower).
Theory of probability
If some chick looks good from far away/from behind/from a certain angle, the chances of her actually looking good are anything but good (infinitesimal actually).
Theory of proportionality
If the institution is located at a remote location, the chances of locating a figar[1] are directly proportional to the remote-ness of its location.
If the institution is located at a remote location, the chances of locating a figar[1] are directly proportional to the remote-ness of its location.
The quality of the best figar in any given batch is directly proportional to the maximum capitation fee collected during admission from that batch.
Theory of familiarity
Familiarity and long exposure can distort perceived figar quality, causing it to move away from its absolute value. For example, good figars (by virtue of popular opinion in the first year) will turn into sumaarana (mediocre) figars by final year. Conversely, sumaarana figars will turn into (S)Über figars from the perspective of the guys in the same batch.
Theory of greener pastures
Figars from almost all other batches will look better than the figars in ones own batch. especially applies to (every) first year batch.
The Bhavani Effect
The Lazy Man describes the 'Bhavani' effect as more of a phenomenon than a theorem or law. Bhavani the mythical creature could manifest itself through any physical means (a reflective surface, a hole in the wall or the shadow of the sun) to cause the beholder to focus on her most repulsive trait. Once this process has been initiated, the said woman fades into the background like the fugly extras dancing behind the lead in an Indian movie.
Theory of effects
Our brains are not designed to measure or analyze absolute quantities. We are always comparing whatever we see to the most dominant frame of reference inside our heads. and this frame of reference can be distorted by various internal and external factors. Internal factors include blue balls,inebriation, familiarity and crazy** exs (ruined you for other women did she? *SMACK* be a man!). External factors include (but are not restricted to) attu-proximity, huge shades (especially ones that cover over three-quarters of the face. In case you've fallen for this one, make sure she keeps her shades on at all times), low lighting and Bhavani(s).
**Can be used interchangeably with "hot" in some cases, refer to the hot-crazy scale[2].
Theory of the expiry point (related to the what-was-I-thinking point)
Every figar's perceived hotness has an expiry date. In most cases this expiry date arrives due to age (of the sighter or the sightee) or the wearing off of one or more of the above mentioned effects. Which causes the individual to through the what-was-I-thinking moment. It is worth mentioning that some last longer than others In some cases, forever! Courtney Cox, Monica Bellucci, Halle Berry, Sridevi Kapoor FTW! Too bad they didn't study engineering in Chennai (*sigh*).
Law of the Iranian chick***
EVERY Iranian chick you see will be HOT AND MARRIED to an Iranian dude. Unlike the other statements in this post, this one has been proven beyond a shadow of doubt. Hence, it has been elevated to the status of a law.
***Usually applies to international institutions outside Chennai. If you have been fortunate enough to observe an occurrence/anomaly in Chennai, please let me know where!
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